I bought a bikini today. It’s been over ten years since I bought a one and I was embarrassed by my ambition, until I tried it on for a friend and she told me it looked good and made me promise that I’d actually wear it. I have been working out and it’s starting to make a difference. David tells me I have Michelle Obama arms, but I also have her butt so there’s work to do, that’s why I also splurged and bought the matching cover up dress.

Still I was proud of my dip into the world of two pieces and I was wearing it around the house just to get comfortable. While modeling it for my family I was struck by two things: Bikinis are so breezy! They make my body temperature drop by at least 20 degrees. No wonder they are so popular! And my belly is too white. Clearly it’s the youngest skin I’ve got because it’s always been covered up. If I could magically graft my belly skin to my face I’d look about 19 years old.

But my body confidence too a sharp turn when I was sitting at the kitchen table. Conrad came up behind me and started to rub my hips and then he said in his playful and teasing voice, “Ohhh mommy you are so fat.”

Before I could even choke on the cheese and crackers I was eating (I know perfect timing right), David tried to cut him off with, “Conrad watch what you say.”

He got confused and then said in a well-meaning matter-of-fact tone, “I mean you feel like jelly.”

My face must have told him he was on thin ice because he tried to dig himself out of it by saying, “I mean your chubby.”

I’d had enough and told him it was time to get in the tub. A few minutes later my mother called. I didn’t mention the Conrad exchange, but I did tell her that I had bought a bikini.

She said, “If you lived in Europe it would be perfectly normal. They have a lot of body confidence there.”

Thank God I  splurged on the matching cover up dress.

My new bikini, but not my new body.

This entry was posted on Friday, July 17th, 2009 at 9:48 am and is filed under Random acts of mothering. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.